A kink in the system

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You might be wondering what this is about.  This is our trip to the ER and stay in the PICU.  We got home from the hospital after having the baby on Saturday, September 4th.  On Sunday, I kept thinking Oliver's head felt cold.  It was really bothering me so I took his temperature under his arm.  That temp read REALLY low so I used another thermometer and that one read low too.  I had Zac call the on call doctor at our pediatrician's office (the on-call doctor was not our doctor).  She told us to take his temp using a rectal thermometer (just what we want to do to our poor newborn baby) and if it isn't 97 at least, take him to the ER.  I am starting to get worried now, but wrapped him up in a dozen blankets and held him very close to me as Zac went to get a thermometer.  Zac came home and we quickly discovered that we would need...um...lubricant stuff to get the thermometer in there.  So...... off Zac goes to the store again  (almost the middle of the night by now) to buy lubricant.  He came back and I made him take Oliver's temperature.  It was only reading 95 degrees.  This is the point which I start to cry, a lot.  I then become a hysterical mess.  We called Zac's mom to come and stay with the kids and off we went to the hospital.

I can not even tell you the things going through my head at this time.  I am taking my 5 day old baby to the ER because something is wrong with him.  What if they don't give him back to me?  What if I have to leave him there and go home with empty arms?  What if something really bad is wrong with him?  What if I never get him back...what if what if what if...?   This may seem like crazy talk to you, but when you have been through what we have been through....well things just aren't the same ever again.  Watching your newborn baby die in your arms is something that scars you/changes you for life (and not in a good way).  My mind went to the worst place possible.  I prayed and begged God to please just make this whole thing go away and for my baby to be okay.  I asked Him how much I would have to go through while being refined.  I am ashamed to admit this, but I questioned Him.  I really did.  You would think I would have learned by now to cling to Him and have faith and trust and just lean on Him, but I questioned.   I think it was something like, Lord, haven't I had enough? 

So we get to the hospital and get right in because there is no one in the waiting room!  They took his temp rectally there and it was reading 96.1  That is a slight improvement, but still way too low.  We got into a room in the ER and the doctor came back and was very very rude.  I wanted to punch this guy, or cuss at him or something.  He was SO condescending and arrogant.  Anyway, he told his that now that *they* were involved, they were going to have to do a bunch of tests on the baby including a lumbar puncture (I think I almost fainted when he said that), catheter urine sample, blood tests, IV antibiotics, chest xrays and the minimum of time we would be there would be 24 hours in order for the spinal fluid to grow cultures (forgive me I am not a medical person)   Zac and I stepped out of the room at that point and let them do there thing.  I am still a hysterical mess at this point, but less so because I am so mad at the doctor for his attitude, that it takes away from my fear.   I also need to mention that I could barely walk and was still in a lot of pain from my very recent c-section.  There was no where to sit comfortably, and sitting still hurt so this just made things even worse!

They finished all the tests I mentioned above and we were waiting for results.  Oliver was under this super crazy warmer thing and before we knew it, they overcooked him and he had fever!  The nurse actually said something about having to treat him for fever when he came in for a low temperature.  Oh my gosh...really?  How about turn the thing down??!!! 

The doctor walked in and mentioned that the spinal fluid had blood in it, which could indicate a brain bleed and they would need to do a cat scan to see if he had a brain bleed.  Now I am feeling punched in the stomach.  Brain bleed?  My baby was just released from the hospital the day before and he was FINE!  Wouldn't they have noticed something like that?  So Zac went with Oliver to have the cat scan and came back pretty upset.  He said with the machines and Oliver hooked up to things it really reminded him of Olivia.  Zac had to watch a lot of what went on with Olivia while I was still unable to move from my c-section so he gets flashbacks of that and this was one of them and it was not fun.  We were both pretty upset by now. 

A while later, the doctor came and told us that EVERYTHING came back negative and they had not found anything alarming.   The next thing would be Oliver getting admitted to the PICU  to make sure he can keep his temperature up and also to wait for the lumbar puncture cultures to come back (they were testing for meningitis and a couple of other things)  We were very relieved at this point and just wanted to go home and wake up from this nightmare.  We got up to the room and I sent Zac home since there was only one place for someone to sleep and since I was the food source for the baby, I would have to stay. 

Throughout the rest of the night, Oliver maintained his temperature and ate and was doing fine.

At about noon, our regular pediatrician busted through the door and was just so upset that we were there.  She said she felt so bad because it was her patient and that we had to go through all of that for no reason was very upsetting.  She also explained that the blood in the spinal fluid was NORMAL for a newborn and that someone with proper training would know that (ouch, take that you RUDE ER DOCTOR!)  She explained that the baby probably just got cold in our house and that was it.  The medical field has become so ridiculous and everything is about covering yourself and protection from lawsuits.  I decided I LOVE our pediatrician.  She said she was in charge and if SHE wanted to discharge Oliver, she could and she would.  Her words, "...I don't have a career to protect because I am old, so I don't care..."  Awesome.

We couldn't get out of there fast enough.  We got home (for the second time) and crashed.  Let's hope Oliver is not setting some kind of standard for ER visits.  

I was thinking about when the pediatrician came to talk to me shortly after Oliver was born.  She noticed that I was breastfeeding and looked at me a little funny.  She hemmed and hawed and finally came out and said, that since it didn't work out the way I wanted it to with my first two, there might just be a "kink in the system" and it would be okay not to try to breastfeed this one because formula is great.  I love her for trying to protect me and take the guilt off, but I was mad about it at that time.   

Yep, there is a kink in the system, but it ISN'T me.